Merry Christmas from 425c

Wow, what a year it's been.

Really there's not much that hasn't changed.

Starting off in the new year of 2014, I still lived with Paige in our cute little loft apartment in downtown Saint Paul. Sisters for life, roomies maybe not so much. But none the less, we had a great time. I was still spending most of my time onstage or working, both at Brix and Gap; I spent my down time on stage at Ashland in Urinetown and YPC in Junie and the annual fundraiser performance, Cattle Call. Life was pretty routine.

Getting my hair done for Urinetown!

In August that all changed when I moved to downtown Chicago to attend Columbia College, which has been the best decision I've made so far. 

Halloween with Maddie and Taylor.

Best friend--and now roomie--Sydney

Since then I have learned the ways of the CTA (the Chicago public transportation of choice), found a job just a seven minute walk away as a barista at Argo Tea,  explored the concert scene, investigated the best coffee shops, and of course am learning so many new things in all of my classes. 

Alt J in concert!

Swing with Bridget, Maddie, and Kara!

Taking on Chicago.

I am studying Public Relations, but am taking classes in other things as well, such as advertising and photography. I am thoroughly excited to see what kind of career my future holds.

My girls Andy and Bridget <3

James Vincent McMarrow concert!

The biggest joy of my move to Chicago is the amazing people that surround me. Columbia is full of such talented and beautiful people that I am proud to call my friends. Musicians and filmmakers alike, each one inspires me to pursue my passions just as intensely as they are.

Andy!

Darkroom fun

Who knows where this next year in Chicago will take me, but I am beyond excited to find out.

The crew.

Snowy So Longs

As this first semester comes to a close and a six week gap in seeing all my new family creeps nearer, I just want to take a minute and thank everyone I have met at Columbia for becoming a part of what I consider to be our big, dysfunctional family. This experience would mean nothing without the beautiful people I have met. Columbia is an absolutely amazing college, but it is built on relationships and the connections you make. 

I haven't met a single person who is not completely passionate about what they do, and I'm amazed every day by the willingness of everyone to help others out with their projects, both for school and pleasure. There is never a time when I bring up a photo shoot that at least four people aren't willing to help me out--many times getting even more participants. I have been so inspired--musically, fashion-wise, in photography, just in every creative way possible. 

The people I am surrounded by inspire me to pursue my passions just like them, and their talents push me to become better in not just the things I do, but who I am as a person. 

This family I've found truly is a piece of my heart, and though we will see each other in six weeks, I am already missing them. 

Look Up

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.” [Amy Bloom]

Today we had a Muslim woman come in and speak in my first year seminar class since we just finished up reading Persepolis. She spoke of Allah and the reasoning behind the hijab. The hijab is a personal choice made by Muslims, and she continually spoke of the falsified information making the women of Islam seem oppressed. 

"Lower your eyes and cover your privets," she said. "Look only once because if you look again you will stop listening to what they say and start looking at their features. Their pretty lips, their beautiful eyes."

"Get rid of your desires, and let God fill your heart," she said.

Let yourself be free, I say.

Now don't get me wrong I respect her culture and religion immensely, because she is living for her God and being the person she believes he wants her to be. 

But everything I stand for is about loving your body and embracing your sexuality, and I think that idea can scare some people. 

Desire is a natural feeling and should in no way be suppressed. Now I'm not saying you need to go around and sleep with everyone you feel yourself attracted to, but don't feel ashamed if you kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.

We were all made with these bodies that are absolutely beautiful pieces of art; each one is sculpted in a different form, and that should be looked at, appreciated.

Emotions, actions...these things can be controlled, but we don't need to hide ourselves in order to do it. 

Stop looking down and look up.

Make eye contact, gaze into those beautiful eyes, watch the way their mouth moves, count every freckle on their face. Every crease, every wrinkle has a story to tell. 

Admire the art of the human face and body.

There is so much beauty to be found in accepting sexuality, embrace it. 

Inspire Me

There is something absolutely amazing about being surrounded by passionate people all the time. It's exhausting and exhilarating all at one time. 

During my first year seminar class we were talking about technology and the soul, and at one point the discussion switched over to music and the soul. Music's effect on the soul is something I am extremely passionate about, but I never knew that other people felt as much about music as I did. Not just in performing and writing, but in experiencing. 

Have you ever watched, really watched, a band play live? There are these moments that just make me fall in love with music even more when you see the artist just fall into what their doing. Moments where they close their eyes and just play or make eye contact with each other or look at the crowd and get the goofiest looks on their face because they know they're doing something awesome. That experience is just so cool to me. 

Since I got here I have felt so inspired by everyone and everything around me. Though I'm just as busy as I've always been, somehow I've managed to find time to write six songs in just this month we've been here. Whether it be listening to other artists or just a discussion about music, I am constantly feeling inspired. 

Last night I performed in not one but two open mics in my dorm, and people are seriously rad. There were musicians, poets, comedians...just some seriously talented people. It was amazing. From covers to original work, everyone just did their thing and everyone supported them. Art school is cool. 

I am surrounded by so many beautifully talented people, and they never cease to amaze me. 

Enjoy the Laughter

Laughter shot from a mini photo shoot we did last week!

Honestly, there is nothing better than spending time talking and laughing with friends. Since I've gotten to Columbia I have laughed more in the past two weeks than I have in a long time. 

Talented photography majors like Taylor are bomb.

I am beyond pleased to know that I'm at a school with people who are just as quirky as I am. Today my friends and I had an indoor picnic (due to the fact it was cold and rainy outside) and played catch phrase. Such a simple event, yet so much joy was found during it. I love the fact these people don't find it strange that I like to do cute things, such as having an indoor picnic or coloring in coloring books. 

Indoor Picnic!

I find so much joy in the little things we take part in here. A fun evening of Zumba, a little jazzy jam session (with real recording equipment might I add--this is art school), a walk to the water, or just sitting around making up weird names for each other. Everything that makes me smile or laugh, I cherish. 

Mini Jam Sesh.

The group of friends I have started to hang out with more is seriously amazing. They are so talented and wonderful in their own way. From music to fashion majors, we all share one commonality: passion, and that's what makes us click. Each of us carries a passion for any and everything they do, and the variety of majors makes the possibilities of collaboration on projects filled with endless opportunities. 

Part of the crew.

I am blessed to be here. Laughing and enjoying every moment. Every day is a new adventure, and I am psyched to see what each new day entails.  

Passion is a Must Have

This is my city.

With each day here I face a new adventure. After a wonderful welcome week packed to the brim of new experiences, today is the first day of classes, and I think everyone is raring to go.

Sometimes you just have to look up and take it all in.

Jazz Fest.

From thrift shopping to dances, adventures around the city to hanging out in the dorm, and lots of intensely amazing music and conversation, each day makes this dream a reality.

Photography at the flee market.

This is freaking adorable.

A little farmers market I found.

We kicked off this year with our "Hell Yeah" convocation, where all the new incoming freshman and transfers stood together as one group and screamed hell yeah at the top of our lungs to creating our body of work. In that moment I knew this unconventional place was definitely for me.

HELL YEAH

Out of all the wonderful things we have done this week, I would have to say the best was on the night of Little Mouth. Throughout the year there are different "Little Mouth" events where students can showcase their talents (dancing, singing, poetry, whatever), and there was one during welcome week to kick off the year. 

This is exactly why I am here.

Unfortunately, when we got to Little Mouth at 7:15 (15 minutes before the event was to begin), it was full. There were no more slots for performers, and the building was at capacity with more than fifty students stuck outside. Instead of calling it quits, we decided to make our own performance, starting in the street and eventually moving to Grant Park. We sat in a circle and one by one different artists sat, stood, danced, in the middle to the beat of a cajon (box) drum and sometimes a ukulele and guitar. It was absolutely amazing to see everyones passion for their art.

My girl, Andy 

PR kids.

The passion here is unbelievable. Every single person I have met has been enthralled with what they are going to be learning, who they will work with, and what they can create. It's just who we are as artists.

Exploring the city.

This is Columbia, and we are here to work our asses off to create art because that is what we love.

Live what you love.

Thoughts From 425C

First latte in the new place!

After an exhausting day of moving boxes, decorating, and meeting new people, a good nights sleep and a steaming cup of coffee this morning is more than wanted--it's a necessity. I don't think it's fully hit me yet, that this is college, but once classes start I'm sure that will fade quickly.

I have too many pictures.

My humble abode.

Decorations got a little crazy.

Apartment 425 of the UC is so close to being completely finished. Rooms are all set up, but our central decorating still needs to get done. Today we're going to finish everything up so we can just get all done with and relax a little.

Shanique, Madisen, Sydneye, and I!

The girls I'm living with are fabulous. We're all from different cities, with different interests...but I feel like we're all just going to click pretty easily. I'm excited to spend a year getting to know them!

My new home <3

Last night after move in, our floor went on an adventure to the fountain and then to the best view of the city near the lake. All I can say is wow. I'm going to school in this huge beautiful city, with some of the most talented people I have ever met in my life. How did I manage to end up here too? 

Come back for more updates on this college life later on!

As We Stumble Along

The apron has been turned in, the keys handed off, and u-haul packed full.  Today marks the end of an era, and the beginning of a new adventure. This year “off” has been filled to the brim with performances, work, coffee shop visits, and an extensive amount of photographs.

There is no doubt in my mind that without this gap year, I would be unprepared and unwilling to open my mind to learning new things. An inadequate high school experience can do that to a person. But now as I am facing a full load of classes in a week, my heart is beating with excitement for new knowledge.

This year will hold a lot for me: new friendships, new city, new everything. A fresh start. I am thrilled I hold a few familiarities in my hand as I walk into this new life. A (still new) friend from Mankato, Sydney, and a few other familiar faces who head to Columbia from Minnesota, a best friend from middle school with roots bringing her to Chicago frequently, and a few YPC buds who also attend school in Chicago.

So, tomorrow at 8am I will start setting up my new life at Columbia, and I am beyond excited. I hope to continue updating my blog on all the new experiences I will be enjoying, so keep reading!

Adventure is out there, and I am racing to enjoy every second of it.

The Truth About Friendship

Friendship, described by definition as a mutual bond of affection and mutual trust between two individuals. 

But the real truth about friendship? It's weird. 

It's messy and tangled, quirky, a random assortment of traits twisted together to make a lingering connection. You can have friends you know everything about. Their family, their past, their future, their secrets, hopes, and dreams. Yet you can have friends where although you are present in their everyday problems you know nothing of their family, their past, or their future. Some friendships contain only jokes and laughter. Some are burdened by only the negative. 

Yet each one of these relationships is still a friendship.

Friends are an odd commodity at the age I am currently. From teens to early twenties, things tend to revolve around one person. Yourself. And no matter the friends you pull into your inner circle, there never seems to be that balance of care.

I have learned a lot about give and take this year. It's the foundation of a healthy friendship, you both give and you both receive the love and care that your friendship entails. This means if you want to call someone at 2am to get their advice, you better be okay receiving that same call the next night. It means that there is an equality of initiation. Each person volunteering their time to make plans.

It's always been a struggle for me, seeing the care from someone who doesn't call or text unless I make contact first. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep friendships strong. Whether it be driving to Mankato every couple weeks to get some face-to-face time, or just making an effort to be more present in conversations that may seem unimportant. Just because it isn't necessarily deep, doesn't mean that it doesn't mean more. Just the fact someone takes the time to text me "hey" means a lot to me. 

My dad and stepmom made some great points the other night about friendship when I was struggling with completely letting go. I had realized holding onto some relationships that weren't reaching out to me were hurting me more than helping me, but it's hard to let go of something that never ended. But they said an amazing thing. Some people are meant to be in your life forever, and some people are meant to just stop for awhile, and whether they come back or you never see them again, their friendship was important at that time.

So to everyone I'm letting go, to everyone who is moving on to bigger and better things in the world. You will always remain in my heart. A puzzle piece in my life that has made me who I am. This isn't goodbye because who knows if fate will bring us back together, but this is a thank you. You were there for me in one (or maybe several) moments where I needed someone to hold me together. Whether I just needed someone to tell me a joke, give me a hug, or even just say hi, each one of you found a moment to show me you cared. Your friendship will forever be appreciated.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." --Flavia Weedn

The Minnesota Goodbye

It's started. 

The long goodbye as I make my way off to college--in two months.

But even though my departure is two months away, I've already started a list of all the people I need to see before I go. With two jobs and the human necessity of sleep, it leaves little time for socializing. After looking at a couple trips, work events, and specified social events, I've got about two weeks (which I'll be working 50 hours during) to spend with people in the cities.

With a life like mine, people come and go fairly quickly, but each person makes an impact. Theatre creates a unique bond between people. Three months of intense, closeness and then you rarely see each other. Not that you don't have anything in common, or you don't enjoy each other's company, but the fact-of-the-matter is theatre people are busy. Always hopping from one show to the next. Along with theatre people, my coworkers all play a huge role in my life as well, but we're always working--either with each other or at conflicting times so hanging out outside of work becomes more of a challenge. Then comes family and family friends, the people that tend to see me only at holidays--if then--due to my ever challenging schedule. 

College is going to be a new fun adventure, filled with new people and experiences. I am in every way ready to go. In fact the clock seems to be moving slower than usual just to make me crazy with anticipation.

So in light of my home state, I'm starting my goodbyes now. And two months from now I'll be getting in the car and on my way to my new life. 

((ps if you're reading this and want to see me before I go, text me now so I can get you in my schedule))

thoughts from a downtown windowsill

There's just something about the rain, and some quiet, easy-going music that makes a girl think a little. And as everyone is coming home from their first, second, or maybe even their last year of college, I've been forced to think a little about what I have accomplished in this past year. My first thought is well...not much. But when I take a second to realize my life has not been pointless over the last year, I realize I have fulfilled a lot more than I was planning to this year. 

I know I try so hard to hide the fact I'm an organizationally minded person, but I'm a bit of a list enthusiast. To-do lists, bucket lists, shopping lists, songs-to-learn lists...it's a bit of an obsession. So, it seemed ideal to create a list of everything I feel has made this "year off" worth while. 

bought a ukulele(and learned how to play four chords)

visited my girls in Mankato...twice!

continued working at Brix

got a second job at Gap

performed in Junie B Jones at YPC

finally won the lip sync competition, yeah spice girls!

saw mumford and sons for Paige's birthday

moved out!!

sleepovers with Lydia

built a fort

decorated our apartment to be real cute

got plants (and kept them alive)

walked to the farmers market

took a ton of pictures

saw Miley with Alex and Hayley

performed in Urinetown at Ashland

made a ton of new friends at Ashland

went swing dancing 75% of thursdays this whole year

saw Bombay Bicycle Club with Sarah

had our first Friendsgiving!

went on a road trip to Chicago

hosted a formal party

many coffee dates, breakfasts, and lunches with Natalie

performed in my fifth Cattle Call

saw the 1975 with Kim

joined a book club (even though I've only made it to half the meetings)

keeping up with Alex

experienced new music daily

I'm sure my list could continue on for miles, but as you can see I did...a lot. No matter if it was a big event or something not quite as significant, everything made this year a worthwhile year off. 

I keep saying year off, but it really wasn't. More like, year-of-trying-to-jam-pack-my-life-as-full-as-possible. But then again, what's new. 

Yes, this is the normal business of my schedule. 

Soak up the Sun, Get Drenched in the Rain.

To put it bluntly, I have been a complete asshole lately. I'm tired, physically exhausted from being on my feet fourteen hours a day and mentally drained from dealing with everything inside my head along with everyone else in my life. With every waking moment, I have been running around from one job to the other, one problem to the next, and every second available for sleep, I am gone. This is the life of a girl with two jobs and a little bit too hopeful of a social agenda. 

But today, after the exhaustion had me at my breaking point, I stepped outside. 

The air is perfectly crisp and the sun warming my skin. 

It is these moments that wake me up from the daily bullshit that I endure. Moments in nature where you stop rushing around and just are. For that moment, whether it be a minute, an hour, or even an entire week where the world around you disappears and you just...exist. 

I crave more of these moments. 

Today gave me a glimpse, and I am ready to escape just for a little while so I can just be.

Take Off Your Shoes And Stay Awhile

Paige says if she ever opens a coffee shop, she wants there to be a sign that says "take off your shoes and stay awhile." Also, a bin of socks that people can wear if they have bear feet. I love this idea, not only because I love being barefoot, but for the biggest reason because of how comfortable of a setting it creates. 

You know people feel comfortable in your home when they take of their shoes, jump onto the couch, and put their feet up onto the coffee table.

And isn't that what you want? A vibe that is just welcoming and relaxed?

Now, we may not actually take off our shoes, but I always have that comfortable feeling when I walk into Brix. I've always known that Brix has been a wonderful place to work, a very friendly set of workers and just good vibes when you walk into the store, but every day I think about the fact I will be leaving in August, I think about how I will be leaving behind not only my family at home, but also my family at Brix.

Jonah and I 

Natalie and I <3

We tend to draw in fairly creative and down-to-earth people at Brix, which means for the most part, we all get along really well, not only at work, but outside of work as well. I love that we hang out, have Pintrest parties or potlucks, or even go bowling! 

Staff Bowling Night!!

Every day I work, even if I am the most exhausted or just downright crabby, my shifts are still filled with wonderful conversations and warm words of wisdom and encouragement. Whether it be chats about life, or boys, or weird customers, or nutrition, everyone kinda has a say about everything. But even so, their minds are open to all of your ideas too. It's not just chit-chat; it's intelligent conversation (unless we're meowing at each other...yes that does happen), and it keeps me going. Probably even more so than the excessive amount of coffee I drink. 

Brix Family Dinner at Pizza Luce :)

Our owner, Karen, has been so involved in my life for the past three years, not just in all things Brix, but also in knowing the daily drama of my friends, what shows I was participating in, and the big events happening in my life. She has taken on a role in my life as a mentor, but also a friend. As for the many coworkers I have seen come and go over these past few years, every one has impacted my life in some way. I have made some lifelong friends, and even those who no longer work there often stop back to say hi and get a crepe, just proving how wonderful of an environment there is. 

Jonah, Kara, and I!

Ann and I missing Sam :(

I work with some awfully strong, independent women. (Sorry boys, you guys are great too, but the girls kind of overpower you ;) ) I am amazed by the wisdom they have to share with me, both from those older and younger than me. Everyone seems to have insight into what is happening in this world, and how we can take it head on. Not only are they intelligent, but also full of compassion and support. When I wanted to take a gap year, they supported me. When I wanted to be an actor, they said 'go get em!' When I changed my mind and am headed into my freshman year as undecided, they said 'good for you' and gave me a high five. It didn't matter where my life was taking me as long as I was happy with that decision. 

Punch Pizza before Bowling!

For everyone in my Brix family, thank you for being amazing, and as you encouraged me, I encourage you follow your bliss, whatever that may be. And wherever I end up in my life, I hope you come to visit me, take off your shoes, and stay awhile.